STTN

Sleep Through The Night. Dirty little words. A coveted goal, if unreached by a certain age (usually at only a couple months old parents start this brag), your a Parent Fail. I used to fess up how he didn't STTN, and how he took hours to put down some nights, and yes, I am a firm believer in parenting to sleep. Then I'd receive a litany of advice focusing around letting him cry, ignoring xyz, etc. Now, especially at a year, I just lie... "he sleeps soundly. All the way, every night."

The truth is that he wakes, usually 1-2 times now, and half the time, he has fallen back asleep before I poke my head in to see why he's crying. That is a fabulous transition from waking every two hours, not much more than two months ago. Once we moved away from co-sleeping, we were both able to get more solid hours of sleep. I'll brag about how that transition occurred in a future post. Some nights, he doesn't wake at all until the early morning. Most mornings, if it's light out when he's up, I coax him into bed with me for the feeding and squeeze an hour or two more sleep out of him: it's beautiful! The best part, even better than STTN, is that for about 3 nights in a row, plus a few more prior, but not consecutively, he has gone to bed with NO, I repeat NO fussing. Please don't let that jinx me!

A wise friend, who happens to be a colleague and my boss says, "It's not who they are, it's where they are." It's so amazing that where they are changes over night. I'll never get over that!

Gonna Jinx it!

I just have to shout this from the roof tops, and I'll probably end up jinxing it in doing so, but...
...for the second night ever, Stefan drifted peacefully to sleep in my arms, we rocked for a few minutes (I didn't want to put him down he was too sweet just to sit and stare at), and I gently laid him down. He threw his head back, the way he does so his face doesn't end up smooshed into sheets (or arm pits as the case would be if he was next to me), and he stayed there without a peep for hours. It was bliss!

Now, however, there is all sorts of commotion and I have to go!

Peek a boo, I love you!

So, I'm killing time before I absolutely don't want to sit in front of a computer any more. Camp started today, and Stefan was amazing! I still can't get over it. If you're in my family, you wouldn't think it was the same baby. We arrived in the class room, I set up everything, and plopped him down in a super mini pack and play (it is only 1 foot tall and 2 feet long), and he played through the first couple of hours. He only became a little crabby because he was hungry. We sang him some songs (thank you Summer Song children for helping entertain the baby!) and he was fine until I was done teaching. Then he sat with me at home through lesson planning and practicing flute. Are there misaligned planets? Hopefully they don't move!

We've been attending Kindermusik Summer Camps. One for his age with singing (Peek-a-boo, I love you), and another, for a larger age span for signing...that being more for me, since I'll be teaching it in the fall. Plus it jump started me signing with him. SO, it is so cool, every time I sing the Hello song from the baby "Peek a boo" class, his whole face lights up in a smile. Hurray for the emotional connection music offers! We also sing a fish song every night while feeding the fish...same face-lighting smile!

He'd knock someone down just to see the cats so he can laugh and squeal at them. He thought Kelder hanging out with us by the pool was THEE most hilarious thing ever. I'm really getting a kick out of all "thee most hilarious things" ever too. There are new funny things every day. Sometimes two:) Sneezing always cracks him up and his farts- so he's about as mature as any male I know. Then there are other random unexplainable funny things. We're having a ton of fun.

One of the best accomplishments is how well sleeping has been going. Now we're down to a few minutes of fussing, if that, after I read a story and rock him for a bit. It has gotten to the point that I want to sit and just watch him sleep well after he's drifted off because it's finally so much better. I'm keeping my fingers crossed it continues.

He's started communicating vocally, which is interesting. I'm learning what his various grunts and screams mean. Like, "don't shove any more food in my mouth, Mom" and "I really really want to get up, but I can't do anything but sit, Mom." He has started liking tummy time a little more. He wines about it instead of full out wailing. He's started trying to move forward by digging his big toes into the rug and pushing. So he's mobile, a centimeter at a time. He likes to clap toys together and slap things. He's very good about taking everything out and not putting it away, I'm sure my mom would love to hear about that retribution she's getting through him;)

That is it for now...time to get some relaxation in before bed and camp tomorrow.

Here Sleepy sleepy sleep...

Here's the list of what we do, I read Stefan's cue for what works, it changes daily:

These first two really help all the time but can't necessarily be done all the time.
Bathing: A quick bath before bed really calms the wild spirit!
Swaddling/ Blanket wraping: Swaddling at first, now just around him to make transferring from my arms to a bed smoother.

Nightly we use:
Rocking: all directions, slow, fast.
Bouncing: from a light pat on the back all the way to me full body dipping. Also use and exercise ball.
Singing: all sorts of songs, calm ones, and if that doesn't work...
Shushing: soft to loud.
Nursing: laying in bed so I don't have to move him once a sleep.

Occasionally:
Reading: a book or two, but usually this is kind of stimulating.
Laying in bed: with my back to him, to demonstrate sleep, not give him attention, yet be there and not ignoring cries that need my attention.

And when all that fails:
Get up and play it out:) Much more fun then Cry It out! Then we try to get some sleep at the very next time he shows signs of sleep.

Some Ideas on Monsterous Sleep Issues

Stefan has struggled with night time sleep since birth. I think there have been 3 issues plaguing him. Diet (milk allergy), Sleep (or lack thereof) and a busy mind or body. I'm hoping this story and some of the info. may help someone out there in the same position. It's not you, it's your baby. It's really hard to know what they are trying to tell you when they only have a cry. Now at 6.5 months, my memory is kind of fuzzy (see it gets better), but I'll try to recap. I know I have left out some stuff we do to help, do check out the following post on techniques getting a high needs baby to sleep).

Let me start with how we sleep. I feel pretty strong about parenting the baby to sleep (babies sleep patterns are different, they don't necessarily drift off to sleep like an adult)- I don't follow all of one parenting style, attachment parenting would be what I do the most, but I've found, you can't predict a baby and you can't lock yourself into any ONE fashion of parenting. So, he has my bed, a co-sleeper attached, and a crib in his room. At night, he sleeps in bed with me, occasionally making his way to the sleeper. At first, it was just really hard to lift him from the sleeper (I had an emergency c-section after 4 days of unmedicated labor- I was hurtin' for about 2 months before I felt human again). It's also easier to nurse while sleeping if he's in bed with me. Until about 4-5 months he slept in everything but the "bed" places for naps or before I headed to sleep. Car seat was his favorite, then swing chair, sometimes the carriage. He's often in our bed, since I can sneak out ofter nursing him to sleep without moving him.

The first days in the hospital (I was there 3-4), he was mellow. Sean made the mistake of pointing out how "chill" he was. I guess anyone would be after what he'd been through. We arrived home and he started showing signs that something was wrong. Here is proof of where "Cry it out" (CIO) would have been detrimental- and this was before we realized it should never be used on children under 6 months. He'd start wailing, at 2 weeks old (too young for colic), starting at around 4 pm and this could go on until 12 am. The worst stretch was 6 hours of blood curdling screams. CIO isn't a practice I really agree with, but as confused, new parents out of ideas, I gave it a try. He cried one night for hours. I'm not sure what the "it" part of CIO is, he didn't get it out, and still hasn't.

At 2 months, things seemed to get a bit better. Stefan waited until 6 pm to start the wailing, and stopped usually by 11 pm. Some nights it was all those hours, sometimes just a couple. He started staying awake more during the day. Pretty soon, he started with this constant eye rubbing. It went on a few weeks, I thought they were itchy, a part of his eczema. Sean told me to mention it to the Pediatrician (Pedi), and I did, and he had nothing to offer, really. I believe that was at our 4 month visit, where we were more concerned with the milk allergy. I don't even think I mentioned his inability to get to sleep or night time fussiness, I just assumed he was being a baby. Then came the big light bulb moment: He's rubbing his eyes because he's sleepy. DUH!

I had been letting him "choose" when he took a nap. If he didn't sleep all day, I really didn't question it. "Baby knows what Baby needs", right? Well not ALL the time. I started working on getting him down 3 times a day for naps. It was hard. By the last nap, then subsequent bed time, I was so tired of putting him down, I often resorted to the baby swing. Here's why...

At the first sign of sleep- an eye rub or yawn- I hopped into a darkened, quiet room. Then I'd try to nurse, shush, and rock him to sleep. This isn't comfy rocking chair rocking. It's aggressive dipping (like dead lifts if you know weight lifting), broad swaying with lots of bouncing, lots of knee bending (I literally don't have much cartilage in one of my knees from injuries, and I tell you, sometimes it hurts like heck to rock my boy). Loud shushing accompanied- really loud. Louder than his cries. After an hour or two, he'd fall asleep. If he didn't, by the 3rd hour, I was reaching for the swing chair. With loud music playing (from the chair), and the swing set to at least a 4 (out of 6), he'd cry for a while longer, before passing out.

Sleep begets sleep. After getting him to take those naps, his temperament regarding sleep was easier. Not wonderful, but better. Once the casein (what causes the allergy to milk) was out of my and his system, things became a easier still. The first nap of the day was and is always the best, he'd go down within a 1/2 hour. The rest were steadily harder. But, at this point (4-6 months) usually took only 1 hour to put him down at night. Other times 2, occasionally more than that. But all of this was still taxing...I mean at the end of a 24 hour day, I had spent 4-6 hours trying to put Stefan to sleep. That's way too many for his age, I thought.

I jumped on my Facebook mommy circuit- and soon was getting all sorts of advice. The best gem being the exercise ball in place of standing and rocking. It was a knee saver! And it worked more times than not. Bathing before bed is also a wonderful technique that works more often than not I was also reassured that I was doing my best, it's just a phase, and we do what we need to do to get by, ie I'm not a child abuser because I resort to the swing chair to get him to sleep some nights. Reassurance is sometimes the best "advice". It really helped me regroup and refocus my efforts on wanting to parent Stefan to sleep.

Now at 6.5 months, he's doing better. In the past week, I've put him down for his first nap by simply laying him in his crib. He fussed a bit, but drifted off very easily. In the past couple of days he's gone down for the night in about 20 minutes time- that is he nurses to sleep and I take a little snooze until I know I can roll out of bed without waking him- he's in deep sleep.

I currently don't schedule naps- there are times when I break that schedule, and other times where he does. It just doesn't seem necessary or worth it now. He has created a schedule that includes a late morning, mid afternoon, and early evening nap...though he may miss one of those so it throws off the others. His patter is more awake for 2-4 hours, sleep for 1-2 until bed time. And no, he does not sleep through the night. He's a baby, who mostly breastfeeds, and nature built him so that he wakes when he's hungry. Some times that means every couple of hours, with a larger 5 hour stretch somewhere in there.

At this point, I think I'm dealing with his over active brain or body- or both. Last night, he seemed to not be able to shut off his body, though his eyes and mind certainly wanted a break. Other times, I think his crying is because, like me, I can't shut my thoughts off at night. So it's an on going thing, trying to figure out what works best, and just when I have the magical combination of rocking, singing, shushing, and nursing, something changes and I have to figure out how to revamp the process.

I plan to have the sleep enticing tricks I've used in another post...sooner than later if he doesn't wake up from this nap soon!