As I try to figure what direction to go with this blog, I decided to fill it with one of those "take inventory" stream of conscious posts, and included a scad of links for procrastination sake (hence the occasional blue fonts). About a year ago "now", I "accomplished" attending my baby shower...though I did nothing besides show up and make out a registry. I hate registries, I hate telling people what I think they should buy me, I had NO clue what to put on there besides a few outfits, some pillows, and burp cloths. Oh yeah, diapers...they're important. I marveled at the fact that
I was going to be a parent...(OMG, people should really issue licenses and training for this kind of job!). How overwhelming everything was!
"Do you have every thing you need?" people asked. "Yes." was the easiest short answer to get them off our backs, but really, we had no idea. We didn't even have a crib or nursery, and I
knew those were typically essentials. Ultimately, we decided to go the "We'll get it when we need it" track and that really worked out well. In fact, the daunting task of being a parent was really eased by this...the minute one finds out they are pregnant doesn't mean the house has to be baby proofed, all the clothes through age one bought, all the furniture needed, in fact, a nursery wasn't even necessary at first. It wasn't until we started getting all the
Stuff (oodles and oodles of stuff and more stuff that can't be organized into any other place in a house sans-baby, which may be actually used for only a month, or 6...and ultimately really needs to go into a baby nursery) that I really felt the need to get him into his own space. Although that
Stuff is most often strewn around the house, every few weeks, I go on a tirade and corral it back into his room. Trust me, that
Stuff has a life of it's own, like a benign plague threatening to cover the whole house. (I just got through herding all the
Stuff, so right now, I have special feelings for it!)
For 32 years, I wondered when I was going to finally
grow up. My main "grown-up" example being my Mom and our family. It may be different these days, but when I was a kid, breakfast, lunch and dinner were pretty much the same time every day (at the traditional times for those meals), dishes were done after dinner, house cleaning was every Saturday (and it seemed to stay mostly clean through the week- how does that happen?), everything was predictable. Bed time was at 8 pm (the first one I can remember) and stayed that way for the longest time.
Everything was very stable and extremely normal. I think was rebelling for the last 9 years, doing none of that aforementioned responsible living, as nothing has been predictable or normal since I've moved out!
The first few months of Mommyhood were a lot of trial and error and wondering if everything I believed I was doing with Baby was intrinsically wrong. Nursing proved difficult, and I supplemented with formula a few times (which felt
evil in the eyes of the BF'ers [Breast Feeders]) and pumped instead of feeding him directly, but just when I was about to throw in the towel on the whole thing, it all worked out (much to the chagrin of the FF'ers [Formula feeders]). However, the battle wasn't over because when I told people
I'd like to go a year, maybe more, I felt their grimaces, that I'd be "One of those mom's" nursing until Stefan was 8. It seemed no one was 100% happy at any one point with my decisions.
Everyone constantly asked how he was
eating, how long did he
sleep, was it through the night? I guess there really isn't much else to talk about regarding a baby besides
sleep, food, and
poo, but after justifying why my answers didn't fit the answers I thought they expected, I was seriously annoyed and hated discussing my child. In fact, I still hate the
"how's the weather" of baby conversations...but I hate the lack of substance of any of those "How's the weather" conversations (in case your totally lost in my mind, that is referring to trite discussions about nothing really). There was no schedule, but there shouldn't be expectations of one for the first few months- with sleep or feeding. It turns out, after about 4 months, I got to decide if we'd be on a schedule or not, though it took some internal struggling wondering if "all those people" were right, or if I was correct. In hind sight, things are much more easy since I stopped watching the clock and timing when he eats or sleeps and now I just listen to my baby. He has some very effective cues on when these things should happen, I follow them, we work well together, and that is what matters to us. Next, I discovered BLW, and thought it had some very good nutritional sense, but again, not being mainstream, I felt like I was apologizing every time I explained that we weren't doing cereal/purees on a regular basis. Then, as with every other decision, I'd go stew over whether I had made the worst decision ever.
It took about 9-10 months, but I've realized that I've finally become an adult and Mother, and with the help of
Darling Husband, we are the ones who make and live with our decisions- and we're the
only ones who matter in this process. Stefan is an individual, who lives with two other individuals, who are completely different from any other individuals and how their house holds run. I've started to realize that if my plan doesn't fit anyone else's expectations, it's OK, I'm an adult, and more importantly, the Mom.. Though I espouse to follow Attachment Parenting, BLW, cloth diapering, exclusive nursing etc, those aren't the end all be all answers. Parenting is best for me when I do a little bit of this style and a little bit of that style. Some nights it works better for me to set him in his bed and let him cry for a few minutes before he drifts to sleep (or those blessed nights that happen with much more frequency, where he quietly drifts off in his bed without rocking or crying), other times we rock until he's out. Some days, he consumes a ton of solids, other's it's all milk. And for how long the milk continues to be from me is yet to be determined. I've learned that there is no one right answer, the answers always change, and ultimately,
Mom and
Dad are correct, with whatever we choose. I have successfully made it to adulthood- cleaning and responsibility aren't foreign concepts, and who knew...I actually can feel comfortable with
parenthood.