Rough day...I'm sitting here, finally not listening to a screaming baby after trying to get him to nap for the past hour or 2. I've lost count. After I crammed in a trip to the grocery store, the impossible destination, fed him twice, nursed him twice, rocked him twice, remade the changing table twice, and reminded him for the 4th time that it is indeed nap time...well, I'm just not feeling successful today. I did get to put in 5 minutes toward instrument repair. Woot.
This has been the story of my life for...um I can't remember. Minus the tricky naps, he's usually better. However leaving the house to do anything is becoming an activity of the past. He's hungry about every 1/2 hour, or cranky, or deciding to take a nap about when I thought we were going out the door. Between naps and feeding, I'm losing my mind. Perhaps I'll find it on Spring Cleaning weekend (gonna be a fun time out here in T-town for the next couple of days, folks!). Or maybe the general contractor I've been trying to call for the past two weeks knows where my mind has gone!
So at the end of the day, when all is said and done, how do I measure success? It used to be in work accomplished, students taught, new things learned. I suppose it's much the same, but work isn't instruments repaired or lessons taught. Though I learn daily, it isn't going to earn me any new degree. My measurement success has transformed. It's loads of laundry and dishes done, groceries bought, and meals made. It is in how easily the baby ate food (ie I didn't have to prepare 8 lunches before I found something he'd actually eat more than a a taste of), took a nap, or played/cooperated while I tried to accomplish something else. Some days it is in what Stefan learned to do or how many hugs I received through the day. I hope soon it will be in hours I could practice, time spent reading, and projects around the house accomplished.
So how do you measure success? Dollars earned/saved? Time with loved ones? Tasks accomplished? Amount of education you received? The car you drive or phone you own? Lives you've touched? Something completely different?
Showing posts with label Thought of the Day. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thought of the Day. Show all posts
Friday, March 4, 2011
Takin' off the kid gloves
Anyone can make a difference. I tried to embed, but couldn't..do check it 'n see, it's short.
This conjures up so many sentiments. I'm so sad that someone so young is forced to live in a place like this. I'm thankful for the life we have here. I'm so proud that a child feels courageous enough to help a cause so much bigger and older than himself. I am excited that people in his country are rising up to make a better life for themselves. I'm disgusted that people in our country think invading other countries is the way to make better lives for others...revolution happens from the inside. Invasion is not revolution. I hope Libya is more successful than Iraq etc.
And today's USA parents are afraid of germs on shopping carts. How do our children manage to live past the age of three with all the dangers over here? I wonder where our common sense has gone. Some children I've encountered here can't even put in the effort to open a juice box without adult help. C'mon people, what are we teaching our children? I guess the question is, what aren't we teaching our children?
Last night I commented to Sean that I rarely surf the net beyond a few familiar sites (FB, Abby Blog, Pregnancy Forum Friends). I surfed for about 2 seconds today, and now I'm on a rampage. It wouldn't matter except I'm supposed to be on the phone with general contractors getting estimates for removing the mold from our walls or starting the spectacular spring clean-a-thon of '2011. That's what I get for wanting to know more about what is going on out there. Better get to not procrastinating...
This conjures up so many sentiments. I'm so sad that someone so young is forced to live in a place like this. I'm thankful for the life we have here. I'm so proud that a child feels courageous enough to help a cause so much bigger and older than himself. I am excited that people in his country are rising up to make a better life for themselves. I'm disgusted that people in our country think invading other countries is the way to make better lives for others...revolution happens from the inside. Invasion is not revolution. I hope Libya is more successful than Iraq etc.
And today's USA parents are afraid of germs on shopping carts. How do our children manage to live past the age of three with all the dangers over here? I wonder where our common sense has gone. Some children I've encountered here can't even put in the effort to open a juice box without adult help. C'mon people, what are we teaching our children? I guess the question is, what aren't we teaching our children?
Last night I commented to Sean that I rarely surf the net beyond a few familiar sites (FB, Abby Blog, Pregnancy Forum Friends). I surfed for about 2 seconds today, and now I'm on a rampage. It wouldn't matter except I'm supposed to be on the phone with general contractors getting estimates for removing the mold from our walls or starting the spectacular spring clean-a-thon of '2011. That's what I get for wanting to know more about what is going on out there. Better get to not procrastinating...
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Sobering Thoughts
Give Peace A Chance: J. Lennon
I usually dread much of my Tuesday, not for what I have to do, but in worrying about all that could go wrong. I need to have Stefan to a sitter, get my butt to work on time, make sure all the lessons there run smoothly, get Stef, get us fed, him napped, me prepared for afternoon lessons, get the sitter, teach and hope I don't do anything tragically wrong, some nights return the sitter, and get home close to 8 PM where Stef. is basically fed and put to bed. I have no reason to worry about any of this, it has never gone wrong. Just my silly anxieties.
After a long Tuesday last week, I had on some NPR news. I heard a story much like this one...could have even been the same man, as the Stef was wailing his head off and I was catching news in between screams.
Libyan frightened for family safety.
I don't know why every time I hear news about Libya I can't change the station. I sit and listen, mouth agape to the atrocities innocent people are suffering, imagining what life would be like if I was there. I feel "fear" of my work day not gong smoothly...a far cry from fearing that a couple of words will destroy my whole family.
Maybe it is because I remember the news from a child of all the unrest in Libya, or that they have been under their current dictator almost as long as I have been alive...gotta suck. Maybe I have a better concept of how important children are to their parents, and I get it, that they'd do anything for them.
Close Calls
Shielding a 3 month old from gun fire?
Yikes. My high school spanish teacher was on one of the last planes to leave Cuba right before it was "closed". Anthony Bourdain almost encountered tradgedy in Beirut with their civil unrest. In my sheltered American life, I can't imagine having any close calls of this nature.
It puts so much into perspective when I get my head out of CT, teaching, and the "troubles" of having to balance work and a baby. It all doesn't seem so hard when I hear their stories.
I usually dread much of my Tuesday, not for what I have to do, but in worrying about all that could go wrong. I need to have Stefan to a sitter, get my butt to work on time, make sure all the lessons there run smoothly, get Stef, get us fed, him napped, me prepared for afternoon lessons, get the sitter, teach and hope I don't do anything tragically wrong, some nights return the sitter, and get home close to 8 PM where Stef. is basically fed and put to bed. I have no reason to worry about any of this, it has never gone wrong. Just my silly anxieties.
After a long Tuesday last week, I had on some NPR news. I heard a story much like this one...could have even been the same man, as the Stef was wailing his head off and I was catching news in between screams.
Libyan frightened for family safety.
I don't know why every time I hear news about Libya I can't change the station. I sit and listen, mouth agape to the atrocities innocent people are suffering, imagining what life would be like if I was there. I feel "fear" of my work day not gong smoothly...a far cry from fearing that a couple of words will destroy my whole family.
Maybe it is because I remember the news from a child of all the unrest in Libya, or that they have been under their current dictator almost as long as I have been alive...gotta suck. Maybe I have a better concept of how important children are to their parents, and I get it, that they'd do anything for them.
Close Calls
Shielding a 3 month old from gun fire?
Yikes. My high school spanish teacher was on one of the last planes to leave Cuba right before it was "closed". Anthony Bourdain almost encountered tradgedy in Beirut with their civil unrest. In my sheltered American life, I can't imagine having any close calls of this nature.
It puts so much into perspective when I get my head out of CT, teaching, and the "troubles" of having to balance work and a baby. It all doesn't seem so hard when I hear their stories.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Our morning...
Music has always helped to soothe the savage Monster beast here, so we sat at the computer enjoying some today I guess you'll have to turn the streaming Stefan tunes off for this one! Enjoy our not so snowy morning concert.
We started with some fast guitar:
On to some faster cello:
His First youtube favorite from the summer:
And finally my favorite, a slow piece, equally intriguing to him. I thought it would lull him to sleep...but Rocking Bear was too enticing. It put him out the second listen though:)
So this is the Proms 2001 tribute performance of Barber, I think recorded on 9-15 of that year. This piece brings me to tears with out the extra significance of why it's played here. Stefan was really into watching the conductor, which makes him a step about most musicians 15 times his age;).
We started with some fast guitar:
On to some faster cello:
His First youtube favorite from the summer:
And finally my favorite, a slow piece, equally intriguing to him. I thought it would lull him to sleep...but Rocking Bear was too enticing. It put him out the second listen though:)
So this is the Proms 2001 tribute performance of Barber, I think recorded on 9-15 of that year. This piece brings me to tears with out the extra significance of why it's played here. Stefan was really into watching the conductor, which makes him a step about most musicians 15 times his age;).
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Do the best you can, there are no rules.
If you don't read this whole post, go down the end for my point in red, which is better than the argument.
Jong pisses me off.
First of all, she rambles about the point she is making. I read the first half of the never ending post, needed to do something else, and made a comment to the friend that posted it, which basically went: "This lady's view sucks, that isn't what attachment parenting is all about, these ppl need to get off our backs. In general, people should lay off mothers, they will each have their own style and needn't anyone's criticism." I then found time to finish out the article. Low and behold, when I got to the end, Jong had the same point I did! So, no kudos for a well developed argument, IMO. Also more proof that we can all agree to disagree and get to the same outcome, and perhaps next time, not bash each other on the way there, please!
I'm constantly full of self doubt on what I do regarding Stefan. Just when I get comfortable enough to defend my own decisions, some silly, opinionated person goes and makes me question them. After all, Jong is a mother, and she has more experience than I, at this point. However, I thought her child raising views were a little old school for the current times. Then I realized in the rebuttal ( Rebuttal: DO read, this I agree with, and I'm not going further into points in my post because they are covered here), Jong was old school, her children are my age (PS I'm not knocking the opinions of mothers who have children my age, see below, they are the source of my drive to be the best mom possible). What she believes was may be progressive for that time, but not now. It puts her point of view into a whole new light, and made me realize that she needs to take a seat. Her criticisms, under the guise of opinions, are the same I get from many people of her generation. I'm not saying that it is wrong to have those opinions, but um...the point of the article is:
"We need to be released from guilt about our children, not further bound by it. We need someone to say: Do the best you can. There are no rules."
(I wholeheartedly believe this!!!), and yet I feel guilt strewn all through out the article, as portions of my parenting style are clearly unacceptable in her opinion. Besides, though she claims parents like me are knocking women back in time regarding what the feminists have accomplished, I think that she in fact is knocking me back in time by criticizing my choice to be a mother, career woman, or both. Ultimately, learn how to debate, lady. I think she's more into stirring up the pot, anyway.
In my case, I want it all. I've never dreamed I'd give up a career, nor would I not try to give less than 110% attention to my child. Though I was "running the slow race" to having a baby (which is more like running from having a baby if you haven't heard the joke yet), I've always wanted children. I love them, love shaping them, observing their growth, inspiring them, and educating them. Having my own makes it so much more rewarding, words cannot profess how cool it all is. I could have assumed a bit of this, but I never knew to what extent I'd love motherhood. I don't feel like I'm compromising myself by giving my all to Stefan, even though that means changes in my career and lifestyle. Ultimately, I love all the challenges my parenting choices have brought, despite complaining ;). I don't feel attachment parenting is some sort of fad. In fact, people parented with attachment millions of years before parenting styles were even thought of. If they didn't, humans would have all been consumed by the lions, duh. I concede one point: It did (and does) take a village, though, I wish I had more of that in our lives, but we live in a different world.
Like I said, Jong's article was successful in stirring the pot, creating all sorts of conversation among my friends. The best point, I was told by coworkers while pregnant, and then again made in reference to Jong's article by an older woman friend of my lactation Goddess, Lisa, and ultimately the most important driving force in what I believe: My child is only young once. If I feel like it, I can safely put aside my career ambitions, ME-Time, hobbies, and home improvements for a few years and pick them back up again, but I'll never have this time with my child again. And there will be a time when I want it back, and for once in my life, I'm not going to have regrets about what I wish I had done. So thank you Cathy, Virginia, and random FB friend of Lisa, you've reminded me what keeps me going on those days when Stefan doesn't quit!
Jong pisses me off.
First of all, she rambles about the point she is making. I read the first half of the never ending post, needed to do something else, and made a comment to the friend that posted it, which basically went: "This lady's view sucks, that isn't what attachment parenting is all about, these ppl need to get off our backs. In general, people should lay off mothers, they will each have their own style and needn't anyone's criticism." I then found time to finish out the article. Low and behold, when I got to the end, Jong had the same point I did! So, no kudos for a well developed argument, IMO. Also more proof that we can all agree to disagree and get to the same outcome, and perhaps next time, not bash each other on the way there, please!
I'm constantly full of self doubt on what I do regarding Stefan. Just when I get comfortable enough to defend my own decisions, some silly, opinionated person goes and makes me question them. After all, Jong is a mother, and she has more experience than I, at this point. However, I thought her child raising views were a little old school for the current times. Then I realized in the rebuttal ( Rebuttal: DO read, this I agree with, and I'm not going further into points in my post because they are covered here), Jong was old school, her children are my age (PS I'm not knocking the opinions of mothers who have children my age, see below, they are the source of my drive to be the best mom possible). What she believes was may be progressive for that time, but not now. It puts her point of view into a whole new light, and made me realize that she needs to take a seat. Her criticisms, under the guise of opinions, are the same I get from many people of her generation. I'm not saying that it is wrong to have those opinions, but um...the point of the article is:
"We need to be released from guilt about our children, not further bound by it. We need someone to say: Do the best you can. There are no rules."
(I wholeheartedly believe this!!!), and yet I feel guilt strewn all through out the article, as portions of my parenting style are clearly unacceptable in her opinion. Besides, though she claims parents like me are knocking women back in time regarding what the feminists have accomplished, I think that she in fact is knocking me back in time by criticizing my choice to be a mother, career woman, or both. Ultimately, learn how to debate, lady. I think she's more into stirring up the pot, anyway.
In my case, I want it all. I've never dreamed I'd give up a career, nor would I not try to give less than 110% attention to my child. Though I was "running the slow race" to having a baby (which is more like running from having a baby if you haven't heard the joke yet), I've always wanted children. I love them, love shaping them, observing their growth, inspiring them, and educating them. Having my own makes it so much more rewarding, words cannot profess how cool it all is. I could have assumed a bit of this, but I never knew to what extent I'd love motherhood. I don't feel like I'm compromising myself by giving my all to Stefan, even though that means changes in my career and lifestyle. Ultimately, I love all the challenges my parenting choices have brought, despite complaining ;). I don't feel attachment parenting is some sort of fad. In fact, people parented with attachment millions of years before parenting styles were even thought of. If they didn't, humans would have all been consumed by the lions, duh. I concede one point: It did (and does) take a village, though, I wish I had more of that in our lives, but we live in a different world.
Like I said, Jong's article was successful in stirring the pot, creating all sorts of conversation among my friends. The best point, I was told by coworkers while pregnant, and then again made in reference to Jong's article by an older woman friend of my lactation Goddess, Lisa, and ultimately the most important driving force in what I believe: My child is only young once. If I feel like it, I can safely put aside my career ambitions, ME-Time, hobbies, and home improvements for a few years and pick them back up again, but I'll never have this time with my child again. And there will be a time when I want it back, and for once in my life, I'm not going to have regrets about what I wish I had done. So thank you Cathy, Virginia, and random FB friend of Lisa, you've reminded me what keeps me going on those days when Stefan doesn't quit!
 |
| Great "first position" arms for dancing or conducting the Transiberian Octo-turtle Block Orchestra. All I know is you can always see the path of destruction everywhere from my little Tasmanian Devil! |
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Thoughts for your day
Two for today...
PS My on going obsession with bare feet is a Kindermusik "thing". "Barefoot is Best" is the motto. Baby learns so much about the world through touch (what they touch and when we touch them...there's my other obsession: intentional touch!) the skin on the bottoms of the feet is especially sensitive, providing lots of sensory input. Stefan enjoys trying to use his feet as hands in addition to his new found skill, kicking and stepping on things. Watch out Pele!!
"And forget no that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair."
~Kahlil Gibram
"If my heart can become pure and simple like that of a child, I think there probably can be no greater happiness than this."
~Kitaro Nishida
PS My on going obsession with bare feet is a Kindermusik "thing". "Barefoot is Best" is the motto. Baby learns so much about the world through touch (what they touch and when we touch them...there's my other obsession: intentional touch!) the skin on the bottoms of the feet is especially sensitive, providing lots of sensory input. Stefan enjoys trying to use his feet as hands in addition to his new found skill, kicking and stepping on things. Watch out Pele!!
Thursday, November 4, 2010
November Rain
April Rain Song
Let the rain kiss you.
Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops.
Let the rain sing you a lullaby.
The rain makes still pools on the sidewalk.
The rain makes running pools in the gutter.
The rain plays a little sleep-song on our roof at night -
And I love the rain.
Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops.
Let the rain sing you a lullaby.
The rain makes still pools on the sidewalk.
The rain makes running pools in the gutter.
The rain plays a little sleep-song on our roof at night -
And I love the rain.
- Langston Hughes (1902-1967).
I'm entrenched in "one of those days"...morning rain wrapped around me in the AM, and I sighed to leave bed for the giggles of an awake baby. I told him it wasn't light enough for anyone to be up...and he listened! I returned to bed to hear the dripping lullaby again. Unfortunately, no one delivers donuts around here, not that I can eat the dairy laden gold right now, and I had to get up to make breakfast. Stefan clinging (after a changing table nightmare he created), I fried up eggs, potatoes, onions and Sean's beloved canned hash (pleh), and enjoyed a whiny breakfast with the baby. On to the next ritual, nursing and catching up on my buds, who are all on the interwebs while sinking more and more into "one of those days." In between blogs and pictures (Abby has some amazing new shots and we NEED the # of her photographer!), I am not able to shake the mood, rain drops pouring outside, gray autumn skies, dark green and brown autumn, as the pines are some of the only color left to see. Kelle says we need gray...I agree...yellow wouldn't be as cheery without the contrasting gray. My grays don't even compare to hers, time to snap out of it. After some thought, mine aren't gray at all, they are void of any color, and hence, need to go. Jamie helped me out there, and it's now a link in my tool bar for any other colorless day because I love love LOVE it so much and really, life shouldn't be wasted on thoughts pallid...I'm letting go, this too shall pass.
I also got to chat with Melissa, I love IM! I've learned more and become "closer" to her since we started hanging out online...ironic since being in the same family for 29 years didn't create more than a casual cousin relationship. She's had a string of deep posts that make me step back a regain perspective as well. While we Im'ed, she mentioned my grandmother, who passed away before any of us even wanted to know the word "Baby"...hence the "Slow Race" to see who was going to get pregnant last, a race we both stopped running without telling each other until Fritz Fetus appeared. And again with the irony, I was just thinking about Grandma over breakfast this morning, wishing she could have met Stefan, and Melissa and I talked about basically how much she'd love all the little babies here recently. More commentary on that in a future post when I can give her and a couple of others the time they deserve;). That'll be a toughie though so, how about checking this out one more time :): OK Go!
How about some sunny fall fun! He's loving his walks around the back yard (despite my aching back!), picking leaves and pine needles, and checking out every little thing. I've had a run of cool pictures and videos I'm trying to figure how to post effectively. However, I really need to finish the carpet removal and great office/bedroom switch before I go nuts blogging- not to mention all the work related hooky I'm playing this very minute. Anyway, like Kelle, I felt I needed a project on top of teaching, baby, and all the house stuff yet undone. About 3 feet of carpet strips and a pile of carpet left to remove in my current office (hopefully I'll get through without bloodying myself further)! Nom nom, don't you wish you were me?!
Monday, November 1, 2010
All we need is one and other....Thun-der-doo-oome!
As I try to figure what direction to go with this blog, I decided to fill it with one of those "take inventory" stream of conscious posts, and included a scad of links for procrastination sake (hence the occasional blue fonts). About a year ago "now", I "accomplished" attending my baby shower...though I did nothing besides show up and make out a registry. I hate registries, I hate telling people what I think they should buy me, I had NO clue what to put on there besides a few outfits, some pillows, and burp cloths. Oh yeah, diapers...they're important. I marveled at the fact that I was going to be a parent...(OMG, people should really issue licenses and training for this kind of job!). How overwhelming everything was!
"Do you have every thing you need?" people asked. "Yes." was the easiest short answer to get them off our backs, but really, we had no idea. We didn't even have a crib or nursery, and I knew those were typically essentials. Ultimately, we decided to go the "We'll get it when we need it" track and that really worked out well. In fact, the daunting task of being a parent was really eased by this...the minute one finds out they are pregnant doesn't mean the house has to be baby proofed, all the clothes through age one bought, all the furniture needed, in fact, a nursery wasn't even necessary at first. It wasn't until we started getting all the Stuff (oodles and oodles of stuff and more stuff that can't be organized into any other place in a house sans-baby, which may be actually used for only a month, or 6...and ultimately really needs to go into a baby nursery) that I really felt the need to get him into his own space. Although that Stuff is most often strewn around the house, every few weeks, I go on a tirade and corral it back into his room. Trust me, that Stuff has a life of it's own, like a benign plague threatening to cover the whole house. (I just got through herding all the Stuff, so right now, I have special feelings for it!)
For 32 years, I wondered when I was going to finally grow up. My main "grown-up" example being my Mom and our family. It may be different these days, but when I was a kid, breakfast, lunch and dinner were pretty much the same time every day (at the traditional times for those meals), dishes were done after dinner, house cleaning was every Saturday (and it seemed to stay mostly clean through the week- how does that happen?), everything was predictable. Bed time was at 8 pm (the first one I can remember) and stayed that way for the longest time. Everything was very stable and extremely normal. I think was rebelling for the last 9 years, doing none of that aforementioned responsible living, as nothing has been predictable or normal since I've moved out!
The first few months of Mommyhood were a lot of trial and error and wondering if everything I believed I was doing with Baby was intrinsically wrong. Nursing proved difficult, and I supplemented with formula a few times (which felt evil in the eyes of the BF'ers [Breast Feeders]) and pumped instead of feeding him directly, but just when I was about to throw in the towel on the whole thing, it all worked out (much to the chagrin of the FF'ers [Formula feeders]). However, the battle wasn't over because when I told people I'd like to go a year, maybe more, I felt their grimaces, that I'd be "One of those mom's" nursing until Stefan was 8. It seemed no one was 100% happy at any one point with my decisions.
Everyone constantly asked how he was eating, how long did he sleep, was it through the night? I guess there really isn't much else to talk about regarding a baby besides sleep, food, and poo, but after justifying why my answers didn't fit the answers I thought they expected, I was seriously annoyed and hated discussing my child. In fact, I still hate the "how's the weather" of baby conversations...but I hate the lack of substance of any of those "How's the weather" conversations (in case your totally lost in my mind, that is referring to trite discussions about nothing really). There was no schedule, but there shouldn't be expectations of one for the first few months- with sleep or feeding. It turns out, after about 4 months, I got to decide if we'd be on a schedule or not, though it took some internal struggling wondering if "all those people" were right, or if I was correct. In hind sight, things are much more easy since I stopped watching the clock and timing when he eats or sleeps and now I just listen to my baby. He has some very effective cues on when these things should happen, I follow them, we work well together, and that is what matters to us. Next, I discovered BLW, and thought it had some very good nutritional sense, but again, not being mainstream, I felt like I was apologizing every time I explained that we weren't doing cereal/purees on a regular basis. Then, as with every other decision, I'd go stew over whether I had made the worst decision ever.
It took about 9-10 months, but I've realized that I've finally become an adult and Mother, and with the help of Darling Husband, we are the ones who make and live with our decisions- and we're the only ones who matter in this process. Stefan is an individual, who lives with two other individuals, who are completely different from any other individuals and how their house holds run. I've started to realize that if my plan doesn't fit anyone else's expectations, it's OK, I'm an adult, and more importantly, the Mom.. Though I espouse to follow Attachment Parenting, BLW, cloth diapering, exclusive nursing etc, those aren't the end all be all answers. Parenting is best for me when I do a little bit of this style and a little bit of that style. Some nights it works better for me to set him in his bed and let him cry for a few minutes before he drifts to sleep (or those blessed nights that happen with much more frequency, where he quietly drifts off in his bed without rocking or crying), other times we rock until he's out. Some days, he consumes a ton of solids, other's it's all milk. And for how long the milk continues to be from me is yet to be determined. I've learned that there is no one right answer, the answers always change, and ultimately, Mom and Dad are correct, with whatever we choose. I have successfully made it to adulthood- cleaning and responsibility aren't foreign concepts, and who knew...I actually can feel comfortable with parenthood.
"Do you have every thing you need?" people asked. "Yes." was the easiest short answer to get them off our backs, but really, we had no idea. We didn't even have a crib or nursery, and I knew those were typically essentials. Ultimately, we decided to go the "We'll get it when we need it" track and that really worked out well. In fact, the daunting task of being a parent was really eased by this...the minute one finds out they are pregnant doesn't mean the house has to be baby proofed, all the clothes through age one bought, all the furniture needed, in fact, a nursery wasn't even necessary at first. It wasn't until we started getting all the Stuff (oodles and oodles of stuff and more stuff that can't be organized into any other place in a house sans-baby, which may be actually used for only a month, or 6...and ultimately really needs to go into a baby nursery) that I really felt the need to get him into his own space. Although that Stuff is most often strewn around the house, every few weeks, I go on a tirade and corral it back into his room. Trust me, that Stuff has a life of it's own, like a benign plague threatening to cover the whole house. (I just got through herding all the Stuff, so right now, I have special feelings for it!)
For 32 years, I wondered when I was going to finally grow up. My main "grown-up" example being my Mom and our family. It may be different these days, but when I was a kid, breakfast, lunch and dinner were pretty much the same time every day (at the traditional times for those meals), dishes were done after dinner, house cleaning was every Saturday (and it seemed to stay mostly clean through the week- how does that happen?), everything was predictable. Bed time was at 8 pm (the first one I can remember) and stayed that way for the longest time. Everything was very stable and extremely normal. I think was rebelling for the last 9 years, doing none of that aforementioned responsible living, as nothing has been predictable or normal since I've moved out!
The first few months of Mommyhood were a lot of trial and error and wondering if everything I believed I was doing with Baby was intrinsically wrong. Nursing proved difficult, and I supplemented with formula a few times (which felt evil in the eyes of the BF'ers [Breast Feeders]) and pumped instead of feeding him directly, but just when I was about to throw in the towel on the whole thing, it all worked out (much to the chagrin of the FF'ers [Formula feeders]). However, the battle wasn't over because when I told people I'd like to go a year, maybe more, I felt their grimaces, that I'd be "One of those mom's" nursing until Stefan was 8. It seemed no one was 100% happy at any one point with my decisions.
Everyone constantly asked how he was eating, how long did he sleep, was it through the night? I guess there really isn't much else to talk about regarding a baby besides sleep, food, and poo, but after justifying why my answers didn't fit the answers I thought they expected, I was seriously annoyed and hated discussing my child. In fact, I still hate the "how's the weather" of baby conversations...but I hate the lack of substance of any of those "How's the weather" conversations (in case your totally lost in my mind, that is referring to trite discussions about nothing really). There was no schedule, but there shouldn't be expectations of one for the first few months- with sleep or feeding. It turns out, after about 4 months, I got to decide if we'd be on a schedule or not, though it took some internal struggling wondering if "all those people" were right, or if I was correct. In hind sight, things are much more easy since I stopped watching the clock and timing when he eats or sleeps and now I just listen to my baby. He has some very effective cues on when these things should happen, I follow them, we work well together, and that is what matters to us. Next, I discovered BLW, and thought it had some very good nutritional sense, but again, not being mainstream, I felt like I was apologizing every time I explained that we weren't doing cereal/purees on a regular basis. Then, as with every other decision, I'd go stew over whether I had made the worst decision ever.
It took about 9-10 months, but I've realized that I've finally become an adult and Mother, and with the help of Darling Husband, we are the ones who make and live with our decisions- and we're the only ones who matter in this process. Stefan is an individual, who lives with two other individuals, who are completely different from any other individuals and how their house holds run. I've started to realize that if my plan doesn't fit anyone else's expectations, it's OK, I'm an adult, and more importantly, the Mom.. Though I espouse to follow Attachment Parenting, BLW, cloth diapering, exclusive nursing etc, those aren't the end all be all answers. Parenting is best for me when I do a little bit of this style and a little bit of that style. Some nights it works better for me to set him in his bed and let him cry for a few minutes before he drifts to sleep (or those blessed nights that happen with much more frequency, where he quietly drifts off in his bed without rocking or crying), other times we rock until he's out. Some days, he consumes a ton of solids, other's it's all milk. And for how long the milk continues to be from me is yet to be determined. I've learned that there is no one right answer, the answers always change, and ultimately, Mom and Dad are correct, with whatever we choose. I have successfully made it to adulthood- cleaning and responsibility aren't foreign concepts, and who knew...I actually can feel comfortable with parenthood.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Other Wee Minds
"Instead of categorizing into able and disabled, I see us all as interconnected. And I believe that every person has something to teach me, just as I have something to offer in return."
~Amy Julia Becker, "Is it Harder to Have a Child With Down Syndrome?"
Thank you Melissa for the link to this article on your blog!
Last night I taught a demonstration class (a one-time, free class offered to those interested in Kindermusik), to a group of children with differing abilities. Actually, that is a term I hesitate to use as a label, as we all have differing abilities, which is often evident in music classes. "Special Needs" would be an alternative, but technically, we all have those as well. That is why I'm liking "interconnected" today.
I was so fortunate to be reminded of how much I love working with children, and even more, those who have challenges in life that I will never know. Some people believe in auras and I believe classes have auras. A bit of a simplistic way to talk about class dynamics- which DO exist. You know, you enter a room and you can feel the energy the people in it bring (calm, excited, etc), or don't. Some classes have some great energy and this was one of them. I find that classes with children who have special needs often have a very strong energy...often, one of pride and accomplishment, mixed in with extreme love and trust, but also with a hint of frustration and apprehension. The last two energies, seemingly negative, make the positives ones all that more tremendous.These energies wax and wane through class, every minute is different, and where I end up is usually not where I intended to be when I started, but often it's much better than I would have imagined. So exhilarating!!
I have felt the stress these past few weeks to learn so many lessons, songs, dances, poems, and activities; to "run" the music studio as if I was the owner, as I'm the only teacher Tuesday nights; and function as the cleaning close-up crew, not to mention, being a mom in the down time. However, I was reminded by these wonderful children how much I love what I do. I loved, loved loved the joy in the face of a little girl who threw the ball back to me, better and better every time. Then the excitement of a little boy who discovered the instrument containers sprung precociously, and though he wandered, he was quick to "return" to class to help us clean, spring containers, and take out instruments for the next activity. My favorite part...for the first time, though I can't pretend to fully understand what these specific families go through, I was able to experience their accomplishments through "Mother eyes", and I feel how much more intense the emotions are because of this.
It was an experience to go in my memory banks. One that refreshed my enthusiasm and wiped away the troubles of the past weeks. A class filled with children many people wouldn't expect to dance or sing or play instruments well, but did, and with great success. I thank them, as I think they offered me more than I taught them.
~Amy Julia Becker, "Is it Harder to Have a Child With Down Syndrome?"
Thank you Melissa for the link to this article on your blog!
Last night I taught a demonstration class (a one-time, free class offered to those interested in Kindermusik), to a group of children with differing abilities. Actually, that is a term I hesitate to use as a label, as we all have differing abilities, which is often evident in music classes. "Special Needs" would be an alternative, but technically, we all have those as well. That is why I'm liking "interconnected" today.
I was so fortunate to be reminded of how much I love working with children, and even more, those who have challenges in life that I will never know. Some people believe in auras and I believe classes have auras. A bit of a simplistic way to talk about class dynamics- which DO exist. You know, you enter a room and you can feel the energy the people in it bring (calm, excited, etc), or don't. Some classes have some great energy and this was one of them. I find that classes with children who have special needs often have a very strong energy...often, one of pride and accomplishment, mixed in with extreme love and trust, but also with a hint of frustration and apprehension. The last two energies, seemingly negative, make the positives ones all that more tremendous.These energies wax and wane through class, every minute is different, and where I end up is usually not where I intended to be when I started, but often it's much better than I would have imagined. So exhilarating!!
I have felt the stress these past few weeks to learn so many lessons, songs, dances, poems, and activities; to "run" the music studio as if I was the owner, as I'm the only teacher Tuesday nights; and function as the cleaning close-up crew, not to mention, being a mom in the down time. However, I was reminded by these wonderful children how much I love what I do. I loved, loved loved the joy in the face of a little girl who threw the ball back to me, better and better every time. Then the excitement of a little boy who discovered the instrument containers sprung precociously, and though he wandered, he was quick to "return" to class to help us clean, spring containers, and take out instruments for the next activity. My favorite part...for the first time, though I can't pretend to fully understand what these specific families go through, I was able to experience their accomplishments through "Mother eyes", and I feel how much more intense the emotions are because of this.
It was an experience to go in my memory banks. One that refreshed my enthusiasm and wiped away the troubles of the past weeks. A class filled with children many people wouldn't expect to dance or sing or play instruments well, but did, and with great success. I thank them, as I think they offered me more than I taught them.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
On your mark, get set....
"...doesn't really matter who win this race because the just do it again anyway."
~From a child's drawing of a rocket ship race for "Ruler of the Universe Forever and Ever"
I love this sentiment!! I hate that we're too scared to declare winners and losers in children's sports, classroom games, or where ever else people have taken away "winning" from children to shield the losers. You lost...so what? Know what happens when I lose? I practice harder and make sure my next game (or concert) is up to snuff, and I win. Even if the numbers don't say I win, I ultimately do because I've improved my game or playing. The more I lose, the harder I try, the better I become...jees, ya know what? Seems like I haven't really lost at all. Would the person who is for no winners/losers accept their child bringing home a report card with with no grades because a teacher was afraid to hurt their feelings with a low average? Will that child, when he or she becomes an adult, be able to handle a job where their performance is judged and their pay is effected by their skills? Is it beneficial to set children up to fail as adults by taking away the experience of what to do when you lose; or fair to take away the gratification of winning because you worked really hard to be better than everyone else?
I used to feel bad declaring winners and losers. I totally bought into not hurting people's feelings. So, for example, Freeze Dance...we all dance and freeze, no one is "out". The children hate it! They beg for me to call winners and losers. They try hard not to move...not even to breath or blink when the music stops. They love practicing their inhibitory control! After a while, when no one is called "out", they start to really hate this game that they normally begged to play all class, every class. They want the recognition (children love to be noticed!!). It seems obvious to me, it's not the children who care if they win or lose, it's their adults (what ever adult around them that has chosen to "spare" their feelings).
In my honest opinion, this practice makes a bunch of C students, who don't know how to take losing, and don't improve themselves (and in time our world). But hey, C is good enough to be president, right? And now, before I even go there, I bid you adieu!
PS it turns out Stefan's milk allergy is still there. I think he's less sensitive, so while I can take in some occasional dairy with out noticeable effect, he cannot eat it himself without a very sudden, dangerously violent reaction. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it will continue to lessen, and he'll be able to enjoy pizza and ice cream with his friends one day, when he actually cares about diary.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Thought for the day
"Cleaning and scrubbing can wait til tomorrow,
For babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep,
I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep."
~anon.
For babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep,
I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep."
~anon.
I'm thought I posted this on here somewhere, but perhaps it was just a FB status. It bears repeating. Actually, by staying at home all these months but also doing some occasional work- teaching or repair- I haven't felt like I've missed anything. Nor do I feel like I wish I had taken more time with him when he was "x" months old. Add to that list, I don't feel like it is going by too fast. I enjoy where he is as much as possible, and I love where he is now, but I don't wish him to stay there any longer than he has to. Of course, I haven't gotten to the times where he will refuse to tell me any more than, "Good." when I asked how his day went. The general consensus among parents I've spoken with is that spending all this time now is totally worth it in the long run, so I naively expect that we'll have a great relationship founded on this time together now...I'll get back to you with how it all works out.
For now, I'm content with everything. Disappointed I'm not teaching more, but less teaching means more time with him...in 20 years, when I'll still be a teacher, he won't be a cool little guy, so it's worth it to me. I really look forward now to when he's up and around more and able to go places and appreciate things. I've been formulating a list of all the cool stuff we'll be doing together...Mystic, Sturbridge, zoos (Melissa...Catskill game farm is calling!), planetariums, countless parks and stuff all over the state, and there is this cool rock climbing hiking thing I haven't checked out up in Mass.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
STEFAN
Smiles abound
Talk talky talk
Eats my cups
Flirty eyebrow flutters
Aeroplane Baby
No paper left unripped
...waking! Time to go get the baby!
Talk talky talk
Eats my cups
Flirty eyebrow flutters
Aeroplane Baby
No paper left unripped
...waking! Time to go get the baby!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)