Some words of encouragement about breast feeding

An "after thought" before you read the thought:) (This has been sitting in the draft box a while). I didn't get why some moms had Breast feeding tickers attached to forum posts or FB profiles. "So what, you sat around and produced milk by doing nothing but eating a few more calories, your baby drank it, kudos." NOW I get it. It's hard to believe so many things could go wrong- bad latching/position, bad Dr's who just don't seem to promote breast feeding and undermine it all, genuine supply issues, allergies, potentially painful mommies and babies, not even considering illness or any other event that draws it to a premature close. Someone told me just when you're going to quit, you'll get it, and it will all fall into place. That is precisely what happened. So if you're breast feeding and the going is getting tough, stick it out, if you really believe it's what is best, and if not, do what is best for you and baby, without guilt. I think it is a great thing, nutritionally and emotionally, and if you've been doing it thus far, you're doing a great job!

Dear Stefan,
Breast feeding...at first, before you were born, I thought it would be so damn weird, and that I'd never get used to it. I didn't think it would be difficult. I thought I'd do it for only a year, then kick ya to the curb;). Turns out I had it all wrong!!

It wasn't weird, and since missing that "baby on your belly" feeling just after your birth, I think it was the perfect thing to connect with you a little right away. It felt so bad at it at first (actually for about 2 months). Latch was a little issue, position was an issue, but neither too bad. Mostly, your milk allergy was a big issue, and my over thinking EVERYTHING! I remember my cousin asking what it felt like and I think I told her something like it was painful and aggravating. If I didn't say that exactly, I thought it. After a month, it was less painful, and just raw. Lanolin cream really helped. Using the pump occasionally to give me a break helped and there were a couple of nights I fed you formula (which you promptly projected across the room- why didn't know you had a milk allergy then?!?). Luckily I had a Lisa, lactation and baby guru, one of my 2 Fluting Major Lisa's from TSC/TCNJ who are both the bomb for always having Lisa support and Lisa power- we were a silent triumvirate. Well not so silent I guess:)

Every time I've wanted to give up on Breast Feeding, Lisa has really been there to say, "Listen to your baby, listen to your heart, don't give up!" (not a direct quote). Around month 2 is when I first really wanted to stop. You writhed in pain, which hurt both of us physically, and hourly feedings were seriously too much. I actually didn't leave the house for 2 months, and I think hourly feedings were one of the reasons (then there was sub zero temperatures and swine flu). Two of my biggest supporters, Mom and Husband, were at the point of telling me to switch to formula, which probably fueled my desire to make this work even more. I don't do well with people telling me "no". I also wanted to give you the best diet I could, considering my typically bad diet and how most of the people in our family die, due to illness from bad diets. I persisted, since that is what I do, feeding you on demand, hourly. Nighttime was the best since you slept for a few hours and when you did wake to feed, you were right by my side and I could easily fall back alseep while you ate, one of the other reasons I was adamant about breast feeding.

This part is for the mommies, Stefan. Here's my problem with the Dr., repeat of info. if you've been reading all the posts here, so I'm sorry...but you'd think you could trust your health care professional!! I mean mine was really BAD, but I have heard of others who tell things they think are true, which just aren't. So if your Dr. says "your milk isn't nutritious enough for you baby" beware. Yes, our milk is nutritious enough. Don't even question it. It is more digestible than anything else we can give our babies and specially create by ourselves for what our baby needs right at that time. "You're not making enough milk for your baby" If baby is healthy and gaining weight you're doing OK. If you're feeding baby on demand, not on some set schedule dictated by a book, you're OK. Hourly feedings are OK and will stretch out over time, don't worry!! "Drinking from the breast, babies take in air, causing gas." DID THIS GUY EVEN TAKE HIGH SCHOOL BIO??? I didn't know I had air pockets in my breasts, I surely would have pumped them up if I had known! We don't have air in our breasts, and the air the baby takes in is from crying, not breast feeding. Finally I was told "You need more calories in your milk, drink juice, not water. Plants drink water, we are not plants!" Not even justifying this with a response, Idiot DR.!

There was a turning point, I think around the end of the 2nd month, where I was at my wit's end. That was it. I was giving up. I talked to Lisa, other moms, etc, and for one final time they convinced me to keep it up. I'm so happy I did, after that final bump (I can't even remember what it was, but only that it is there), things were a lot smoother. By month 3 I realized that I could keep doing this for a long time...it didn't hurt any more, I stopped convincing myself everything I was doing was wrong, and just went with the flow. Kelly Mom was a great resource through all these months as well.

Month 4 the milk allergy was discovered, almost by mistake (I nearly forgot to mention to the Dr. the symptom that brought everything into light!). After 2 weeks of de-toxing, we were really good to go. You were a pro, I was confident, things were great.

Now we have mostly good times with it all...I love that I don't need to keep track of bottles, keep them washed, keep formula, and every time I pack the diaper bag, I'm so happy this isn't one of the things I have to worry about- where will I heat the milk, how will I keep it cold, do I have enough for x,y,z...and when I falter, I first turn to a book who then tells me to listen to my baby. ie last night. I was done with night feedings for the second time.

"That's it, Substitute Pedi said he doesn't need them, so he doesn't need them." But then you cry, and cry and don't stop...I know I get thirsty at night, I'll just give you a nip. But as I sat feeding you, timing out a minute so you didn't think it was a whole big meal, I realized, it would be so much more healthy to feed you small meals continuously (considering the diabetes and heart issues in my family, doing anything I can to keep your insulin levels stable would be good). Then empathy kicked in...how would I feel, helpless, hungry, and pushed back into the co sleeper, despite an empty tummy? And is it fair to expect am 8 month old to relegate their hunger to only the daytime when thus far, you've eaten whenever you're hungry. I know you're not a freak-baby because the books suggest feeding on demand up to 2 years old. In addition, feeding breast milk is recommended until at least 2 years old, the first year of which can be exclusively breast milk. Though you eat cereal once a day with iron, it isn't as readily adsorbed as that from my milk (about 47% from my milk verses 4% from the cereal, if I remember my Dr. Sears facts correctly). And when it comes down to it, I really didn't like the Substitute Pedi's advice there or with your inability to get to sleep, which really worked itself out right after she told me to let you cry it out, which I didn't do.

So again, my demonstrative "I'm never doing this again!" is retracted and you keep night feedings. Which has also led me to reconsider pushing so many solids on you at once.That is why I chose BLW , the point of which is to do solids when you're ready, not me.

PS I am the HTML master...this thing was all screwed up with formatting and not fixing itself with buttons on the editor, but I busted out the HTML, deleted some stuff, and it's all good and I wanted to brag about it!