Hey, hey, Sha nay-nay

"He's so adorable, how old is he?" asks a passing stranger. "A little over 8 months.", I reply, happy to engage in yet another conversation about Mr. Personality. "Oh wow, is he a good baby?"
UGH!!!!!!!

Can I say, I HATE that question. It kills every positive conversation. I thought people would stop asking it as he grew up. Nope. Is he a good baby...Are there bad babies? Is there some bad baby gang out there I haven't heard about? I envision their colors are powder blue and the rival gang would be pink. Or maybe the bad baby gangs would wear yellow and green- two neutral colors, so you can't tell what gender they are. They wear little yellow skull caps and watch out for the ones who have one pant leg higher than other (much like Stefan usually is because his clothes never stay put)...they're pakin' baby heat. And the baby dealers out there...you can get all sorts of illegal formula, biscuits, and pacifiers. I believe their secret code is something like, "waaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Most of all, watch out for those quiet bad babies...you never know what their up to...OH wait, that just kicked Stefan out of the bad baby gang.

Quiet honestly, even after working in New Haven, in the middle of the hood, I've met only 1 child I'd consider to be truly evil. And I bet he wasn't really evil, I just didn't take the time to know him. Babies don't really have the ability to be bad, though, and until they are older, don't have the ability to be manipulative either.

Considering that they can't be bad or manipulative, you can see how it's impossible to spoil a baby by holding them a lot or responding quickly to cries. At first I constantly questioned this. There is the old school of thought that wined, "you're spoiling him." vs. attachment philosophy, "his ability to cry is the only way to say he needs something." Responding to his cries teaches him to communicate when he needs mom, and sooner or later, he's learned to refine those cries to what he wants. After many months, I've had a lot of practice translating them. Insatiable shrieking for "hungry", weird shriek or small cry for "teeth pain", a single monotone hum for "tired", a bit of a wimper for "diaper change". He's been slower to crawl/be mobile then some others in his cohort (I'm referring to about 44 other babies whose mom's are in an online pregnancy forum with me), however, I'm not complaining. My baby is still where I left him when I put him down and my house isn't on lock down yet. In fact, I wish I could bottle him just the way he is right now- sitting very well, playing a lot, cute babbly talking, lots of smiles and laughter, and not moving all about the house. I sure know I'll get a run for my money when those feet start walking!

Now, I know those people really mean, "Is he cooperative and quiet?" Just as much as the next baby. I think if he was more quiet when he was young, he'd have some serious problems regarding the milk allergy (see previous posts if you need more info there). Also, I'd have not been so attentive, which I think is why he is ahead in some areas developmentally. He certainly would have been more hungry, and had a lot fewer diaper changes. He knows I'll be there to help him out when he needs me. Compliance isn't always a good thing either. He knows what he wants, and usually gets it, within reason. As he's gotten older, my parenting has changed a little too. At nap and night time, I put him down, usually crying or fussing. He soon drifts off. Now I let him get frustrated enough to cry for a bit when reaching for an out of reach toy and I don't carry, or sling him as much as possible. So while I rave about attachment parenting, I don't think it is the end all answer and that there is no one style that will always work...or will work through out all the months and years of Baby's life. In Kindermusik, parents are directed to "follow your baby", meant literally an figuratively. That is what I profess to do, what I think is the best thing for Stefan at that time.

Most importantly, I've learned to pay attention to him and meet his needs over my own. Instead of fighting him to get repair or house work done, I stop and play or feed him or whatever he happens to need, even if it's just holding him while whatever it is I can't figure out is wrong goes away. OK, I'm sure it's hard to believe that it is hard for me to stop and play...but sometimes I really need to get other things done. I learned that there is "Baby Time"...not spending time, but rather a "clock" type of time. Baby time means that if he's taking a nap, we can't go out, if he's up, I can't get done what I necessarily want, that it takes a bit more time to get out of the house, and that I need to plan around his schedule while not making any definite plans, or promises. Had he not been so demanding at first, I would not have learned this so easily. Quicker acceptance has lead to far fewer headaches.

That all being said, like most of us, there is a Jekyll and Hyde-ness to him. Stefan and Sha nay-nay, actually. Sha nay-nay rears his head around 6 PM or so. Or when a nap time is missed. He wines that one stupid monotone pitch I wish he'd forget and throws his toys about the room. But he's left by sunrise and Stefan is here most of the day.